It’s been a while since I wrote a fun post and I’ll bet you can’t wait to see what suggestions I have for your shopping trip to outfit that special man in your life during the holidays. I think the secret to a well dressed man is not what you can see, but the mystery of what’s underneath, after all, his outer garments only give a mere hint of the real man – it’s just window dressing. I’m starting this shopping trip off with a pumpkin martini which should make going through my selections very pleasurable. The more you drink, the higher you’ll get and the less concerned you will be about cost.
Men are like peacocks (I really didn’t mean to use the word cock, it just slipped out). They like to preen their feathers so that they can be petted and patted, and what better way to stroke your peacock than by buying him gifts.
I wanted to give you a few ideas, starting with the relatively benign and advancing to the more adventurous. Whether you’re shopping for Christmas presents to put under the tree, the eight days of Hanukkah, the Jewish Festival of Lights, Kwanzaa, Diwali the Indian Festival of Lights (although it’s a bit late for that holiday), Chinese New Year, or a bear skin rug if you don’t celebrate any holidays and just want to deck your man out, this post is for you. So my lovelies, here are some gift ideas that I think you will love:
Above on the right is something you can purchase or make yourself if you’re handy with knitting needles and want to ensure a snug fit. It’s called a cock warmer. Obviously you know best if he’s a shower or grower but you should measure him a few times to be sure about the amount of room needed for expansion (please don’t poke him in unmentionable places with your knitting needles).
This kilt G-string on the left is for the Scotsman. If you always wondered what a Scottish gentleman wore under his kilt you only have to lift this little baby and you’ll have your answer. Your man doesn’t have to be Scottish to wear this kilt which comes in different tartans to caress his body, or if you prefer you can do the caressing yourself. You may be wondering if it comes in different lengths for the meatier or more well endowed man. I’m told that if your guy’s equipment peeks out from under the hem, you can add a piece of leather to the bottom of his kilt to maintain some degree of modesty If you want to lengthen the equipment, that comes under a different category). You can purchase this little baby at Lovecraft in Toronto or worldwide, for the price of a few lattes.
An author who wants to remain anonymous sent me the gem on the right which is an elephant tusk cock warmer that she swore her man wore whenever he wanted to feel like a real man because it fits him like a glove. I have no idea if he wore it under his clothes as it’s kind of bulky. Wonder what size he wears? (Underwear, you perv – get your mind out of the gutter). Cock warmers seem to be all the rage this season, or maybe the weatherman is predicting an extremely cold winter. I don’t know if this item comes in all sizes but I’m sure your man could stuff himself into it with a little help from his friends. If he’s on the small size and it sags a bit, you can always add a pair of socks (like male ballet dancers wear inside their tights) to make the equipment appear fatter or more generous.
When you want to spend an evening in front of the fire but don’t want to be nekkid until later, may I suggest this hot little number on the left which should make the evening so much more enjoyable. These are called men’s camo (as in camouflage) lingerie panties and they come in green and black, like army gear. Awesome! I’m told by someone who has personal experience with this item that stripping it off is easy peasy. You can buy a box of 10 of these panties for $26.98 US – a steal – (and the best part is, you don’t have to wash them until you run out).
How am I doing so far?
Moving right along … if you’re in the market for sex toys, I have a great item for the man on your list and you don’t even have to check it twice. How about the top of the line Cobra Libra which costs $160 approximately. Here’s the description:
Cobra is designed like a car and has the rumbling engine to match. Its body is ABS plastic and soft flexible silicone where your penis is inserted. It’s rechargeable with a unique click and charge charger. It has various speeds from very gentle to take me to the moon in your rocket ship.
Imagine that!! Your very own rocket ship to take you to the moon while still in bed.
Of course there are the usual cock rings, extenders for the less endowed gentleman, harnesses, swings, as well as a variety of flavoured condoms if you want to spend a quiet evening at home. You can purchase these as stocking stuffers or whatever kind of stuffer you have in mind.
If your man loves to dress up, here is a darling outfit for him, and I have it on the best authority that this is just the thing to wear to a cocktail party for two or out on the town if he likes to advertise his wares. It comes in vibrant red (pictured on the left) or black. What man wouldn’t want to lounge around in this lovely garment that enhances his figure? It might be just the thing for après ski in the evening if you hit the slopes during the day.
Many M/M readers hate cheaters with a passion and if you’re one of the cheater haters I have just the thing for you. Pictured below on the right is a stainless steel seed pod chastity cage. Sorry I can’t show it worn by a model although I have had the pleasure of viewing it, but take it from me it’s like a steel trap. One commenter on the site: www.mr-s-leather.com who had obviously used the cage, had this to say:
This piece can be worn under clothing during pretty much any activity. Of course, you’ll definitely want to wear a jock when you’re at the gym to keep things from swinging about…(or not;) that could be interesting too!!!!
Showering at the gym with this thing is certain to get you some interesting looks so you might want to wait till you get home for that one. The Seed Pod will give you a slightly larger bulge, but that’s generally not a bad thing, now is it?!
If your man has a roving eye the Seed Pod might keep him and his equipment in line. Scary, isn’t it? Mr. S Leather Products has a unique line for the discerning buyer. There are cock extenders for the less endowed man, a hung cock ring which does exactly what you think it does, a phone and wallet harness where you can hide your important stuff if you work out in your underwear, and there’s even a ball stretcher but that’s not a pretty sight. You can check out the website at www.mr-s-leather.com.
If your man is really adventurous, how about a vibrating cock and ass hitch? Here’s the description of this little jewel:
Being a man, you want more. That stainless steel cock to ass connection that gives you instant feedback with every thrust is cool, but what if it vibrated? You’d have the weight of steel with a steady quiet vibration. This really is one quiet vibration. If you were at a club or even a loud restaurant, no one would notice. It’s a good product without the vibration, but a little vibration makes it even better.
Is your man up for this?
If your better half likes to wear silk, or something that’s more fem, there’s lots from which to choose. Maybe he likes to wear fem underwear in bed, or dress up in silk stockings with garters, or a flouncy skirt and fishnet stockings. I heard that high heels are much in demand like the Borgo designer one on the left that was in a post that Jaye Valentine and I co-authored a year ago. The skirt and nylons on the right as well as the shoes are a couple items he recommended.
Last, for the budding chef, I have just the item – a cookbook that’s a parody of Fifty Shades of Grey called Fifty Shades of Chicken. I had posted this item a few weeks ago but I think a reprise is warranted since I have used this cookbook and it’s worth every penny:
Well there you have it guys and gals. I have done your shopping for you for the holidays and all you have to do is shell out the money. As always, I welcome your comments and suggestions.