I’m a hermit. Most people know this. I’ve done the whole live with and or marriage thing and I have to be honest, I’m much happier on my own. I’m too set in my ways, too messy, too covered in pet hair to ever share my home with anyone again. Not unless they have fur, big ears and drool a lot. Oh, no – that was my husband, wasn’t it?
I was musing over this yesterday while I was counting my blessings, and realised how happy I am about this, and then I went on to wonder what it really would be like to share a house with one of the heroes from some of my favourite gay books? I used to play this game with heroes before I discovered gay fiction and found that, as much as I loved Heathcliff on paper, there’s no way I could have lived with him, spoiled angstmuffin (thanks Gehayi for the new word) that he is!!
Hmmmmmmmm…. (insert wavy line cinematographic effect here…..)
Laurie from The Charioteer.
I get the feeling that he’s very tidy, which would be much appreciated. I remember him
worrying about the fact that the bed hadn’t been made at one point. He’d probably drive me mad because he is a little too particular. I think I’d quite like being with Ralph, because there’s a guy who knows how to party like it’s 1944, and there’s nothing nicer than a big gay conga, but Laurie is far too intellectual for me. It’d be all “But Aeschylus said…” Sod Aeschylus. Have another gin and tonic, for gawd’s sake.
Sebastian Flyte from Brideshead Revisted.
Argh! No no no no no no no. He’d turn up, pissed as a fart, having left his family and he’d stay for some indeterminate time, taking up the best bedroom, making me make tea and quails eggs (you try and get them in Great Yarmouth, I just challenge you) for him and Aloysius and inviting his 
bitchy friends over to eat me out of house and home. The cats would get fed up that Aloysius had his own bed and Sebastian would borrow the car without telling me and leave it somewhere after having had an accident. I’d soon get fed up with his anti-church, mother-fixated diatribes, I can tell you, and he’d be on the first train back to Bridey.
Rafe Goshawk from Standish
Depending on whether he’d actually met Ambrose, he’d be two different kinds of nightmare. B.A. (Before Ambrose) he’d be a selfish arrogant git who didn’t care we were cohabiting or not. He’d have all sorts of rough trade to stay overnight, and would flaunt them, half dressed, most likely, at the breakfast table, or would kick them out and leaving me to pick up the pieces as they wailed at the misuse and his hard heartedness. Then there’s the constant bitchiness of Francis who would call unexpectedly just to catch Rafe out, and if he found him away from home I’d have to listen to hours of “WHY DOESN’T HE LOVE ME…..?” which can get wearing very very 
quickly, let me tell you.
P.A – Rafe would be fluctuating between over-effusive affection, sappy endearments, reckless spending, reams of love letters. He’d spend lifetimes bending my ear on the best way to get Ambrose to take him seriously, asking my advice and never taking it, and then when the shit hits the fan, he’d turn into a cross between Jekyll and Hyde and Heathcliff. *shudder * No thanks.
Alexander the Great from Renault’s Books
OK. This really wouldn’t work. I’m not a happy camper at the best of times, and if you want me to come and live with you, don’t expect me to live FOR YEARS in a tent, no matter how luxurious they are. Do I have “camp follower” tatooed on my forehead? Don’t answer that.
Alexander is a Bloke. Not only that, he’s a Big Spoiled Bloke. He’d be all “LOVE ME, BECAUSE I DESERVE IT” then he’d bugger off down the pub with his mates every night, leaving me along to sit and spin or whatever I would be expected to do, listening to Bagoas babbling on about how he loves his Aleksander and all the sexy things he’d learned to do to him, and how grateful he was. Blah blah blah. Then Alex would rattle on home, pissed as a fart, tumble into bed with Bagoas and SNORE.
Fleury from Standish
At first glance this looks like a match made in heaven. Fleury has a lot of qualities that I like and share. He’s got a wicked sense of humour, likes a drink, has absolutely no scruples about many moral issues. As a drinking partner he’d be a good laugh.
To live with, though? Hmmm. Perhaps not.
He likes things his own way, and when he doesn’t get them, he has the ability to turn instantly violent with an implacable and frightening sang froid that even Ambrose never saw. Rafe recognised it in him. The only reason that Ambrose never saw it was that Fleury was in love with Ambrose, and in the main, was amused by Ambrose’s inner strength. He’s also capable of destructive bouts of maudlin behaviour, leading me to suspect that he’s bipolar. He’s also completely blind to any sense of law–he doesn’t see it wrong to rob, because a rich man is only looking after money that really belongs to Fleury, so you’d KNOW he’s going to get into trouble eventually, making you fear every knock on the door in the middle of the night…
Far far far too high maintenance.
Michael Gooding from Transgressions
Oh come on. Now you’re taking the piss.
Considering that, as a woman in 17th century England, I’d hardly even be considered to 
be human by many people, this wouldn’t be a happy co-habiting by any means. Michael isn’t homosexual, as many man weren’t who indulged in relations with other men. (Both characters from As Meat Loves Salt for example, had been married before and considered getting married again.) Considering Michael is a religious zealot, he’d insist on marriage, and after that I’d be his property, which isn’t a happy thought. Once he meets Jonathan and begins to fall in love, he’d be impossible to control, because control is his purview. Hopefully I’d have the sense to run away at this point, because he’d soon find the wax figure of him with the pins through it and it would be “WITCH! SHE’S A WITCH,” and then there’d be ducking and screaming, and a trial, and … well, it wouldn’t end well… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-jl2ItRTps
So, that’s my pick of Who Not To Live with.
Please share your favourites. Are there any ones who you’d think it would work with? Could you live with Charlie Cochrane’s clever professors? Is life onboard ship with Lee Rowan’s guys something you could do? Do Dr Fell’s peculiarities make you want to move in, or run for the hills?
Have some fun with it!
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I wouldn’t mind giving Oliver Mellors from Lady Chatterley’s Lover a try — for maybe a week. After that, I suspect I’d kick him to the curb/kerb.
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Sometimes I believe men and women are only meant to be together for the sake of procreation. And with most men, how long does that take?
*snorts*
It would be ok if he moved in with you–perhaps–but I for one couldn’t be doing with the living in the middle of the wood in a cottage with no bath, shower or W.C.
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and if he moved in with you, what would he do for a job? He’s qualified to shoot things! Policeman perhaps? *g*
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At least he understands that women have orgasms, rare enough for that period, and to actually care whether they did, or not. Personally I think Mellors was a projection of Lawrence’s ego – he was very pretty as a young man but got a bit bear-like as he got older.
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Then again… as he was protrayed by my idol Mr Sean Bean… I think I could put up with a cottage for while…
Sometimes when I read books with guys who do things like actually do the dishes after dinner or clean the bathroom every Saturday I think “Damn, that would be the life.” But then I realize while they do the work they get all pissy at your for making it messy in the first place or not doing it yourself. I got better things to do with my life than scrub bathtubs, like read or watch Supernatural or … I’m sure I can think of something. I don’t need to be sent on a guilt trip because of it either.
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I have been a single Mom for 10 years now. And as my daughter gets older I’m looking forward to being just me. I don’t even want the pets anymore. JUST ME!! Does that make me a selfish bitch? I love my child immensely but when she suggested going to a friend’s in Toronto during the Christmas break (not Christmas itself) I think my eyes may have lit up. Sigh. Bad Mommy.
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So sure someone to cuddle would be nice most nights but I think there is a traditionalist in me that despite my brain telling me to get a grip knows that if I had a man in the house I’d feel compelled to do all those wifely duties (not THAT – well yeah that but more) like cook dinner when I drag my ass in after work, take care of the domestic chores, etc. while resenting the hell out of him. Oh yeah, that’s productive. Hey, is this a therapy thread? And no angsty boys. No time or patience for angsty.
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So while I’d love for some of the heroes to come and visit and maybe even stay a while, I’m thinking I’m going to like spending some “me” time in a few years when I ship the young’un off to uni.
*laughs* Yes, I think it could be good therapy.
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I don’t think it’s selfish at all, you’ve given years of your life to supporting someone, and you’ve obviously created an independent child who will be happy to fly the nest and not be flying back every 2 minutes! I have to say, I’ve never been lonely in my life, and that’s true even before the internet. I can simply lie on the floor all day and stare at the ceiling and have a good day. (I don’t do that often…) but there’s so much to do that’s fun–PS3 games, and books and films and writing and reading–why should I stress that OMG I didn’t make the bed or seen to the dust?
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My mother always said that my best house mates would be two gay guys. Those stereotypical types who are good at shopping, decorating and cooking. Perhaps hairdressing too. Colin and Justin, come on down.
I would love Colin and Justin. And they are funny too. My house would look amazing. LOL
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In Canada we have Chris and Steven. They have a daytime talk show. I find Chris is a bit like a hyper puppy on crack so I don’t think that would work. Steven would be nice though.
“listening to Bagoas babbling on about how he loves his Aleksander and all the sexy things he’d learned to do to him, and how grateful he was”
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Errr, been there, done that. Learned a few things from it, got my heart broken during the break-up. It’s…complicated, and worse, documented.
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I’m terrible at living with other people, despite the fact I live with five, plus two little, inarticulate ones with fur. Mudd and I are both incredibly laid back, which is the only way we CAN get along.
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Who could I live with, were I looking for a roommate? hmmm
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Nicky, from Cheating Chance, maybe. He’s goth, which is cool, but explaining the hearse might be a challenge. I have a feeling there would be fights over “borrowing the bondage gear without asking.”
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Could NOT live with Dr. Fell or any of the boys. The doc would drive me nuts with his neat-freak ways. And I don’t need to mother any extra kids. I tend to acquire them, in ages up to 30, and the boys would latch right onto that.
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Of my own characters, I could probably live with Steven Sparks (secondary character in the Nikolai series). Of course, he’s straight, so I don’t think he counts. Nikolai himself would probably eat me, literally. Sean Dempsey from Shell-Shocked might be liveable as well, since he cooks and cleans, but isn’t a neatnik. He’s housebound but that’s not a big deal.
Oh dear, yes, I can see many of the characters in gay books latching on to a mothering type!!
Scandinavia is the place to shop for a BF or hubby. They do cook and clean etc. I exaggerate a bit but in general they do this things as it is considered normal. The fact they are pretty helps too of course.
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It seems like long distance relationships are ideal. You spent some time together and then he is out of sight for while so you can do your own thing again.
The only time I saw that was in Playing the market by Drew Zachary.
I was so disappointed when I went to Denmark, Ingrid, I never found any pretty – the women were devastating (and twenty feet taller than me) but the men.. not so much!!
You have to go to Sweden to find the pretty ones *wink*
Maybe just because I’m reading a Bernard Cornwell right now, but Richard Sharpe would be handy to have around when the neighbours are getting noisy. On the other hand he’d probably be pretty hard on the furniture and I’d hate to be jinxed the way most of his women are.
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I think most characters, however attractive they are in books, would probably drive most people mad after a very short time. Because many characters at least border on charicatures, in the sense they are bigger and broader than normal people. That would get very tiring to be around after a while. I can read a few Sherlock Holmes stories and think he’s great. But if I actually had to meet him, it would probably take about fifteen minutes before I was ready to punch him in the face.
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Jeeves would be good to have around though! Woken with a cup of tea in bed in the morning, and all your problems in life sorted out in time for cocktail hour. I could definitely live with that.
Oh God. Sean is a god, but I couldn’t put up with Sharpe for five seconds. Poor as a church mouse – you’d have to live in penury in England, being sneered at by the gentry for marrying a commoner, or you’d have to lump it on the march.
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Similarly Hornblower. I think it’s said in 3 years of marriage he’s been onshore about 10 days or something!!
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I agree entirely about Holmes – and yes, Jeeves is someone I definitely could live with!!!
You needed to go more up north
Been lots of times, Norway is great for spotting cute guys.
“I think Mellors was a projection of Lawrence’s ego.”
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Yes.
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“Then again… as he was protrayed by my idol Mr Sean Bean… I think I could put up with a cottage for while…”
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A thousand times yes!
This is rapidly turning into a Sean Bean Appreciaton thread. Not that I have a problem with that.
Lol. Nice post
. I tried to think for a moment and as much as I love the menz in my books I can’t think of one I would actually like to live with. Especially not the M/M books, as I can’t dissociate most of the characters from the fact they’re (mainly) gay and I’d rather watch them do the nasty together than go at it with one of them myself 
Oh yes, I wasn’t meaning “live with “in the biblical sense, just as roommates, that would be quite enough. or too much!
Hahahaha Alexander! Of all people you pick him as an example. Living with him would be a drama at best.
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I thought about it and no one really came to mind, except Vane, Fang & Fury from the Dark Hunter books. Or maybe live at Sanctuary, the biker bar / sanctuary for werehunters in Kenyon’s books. That would be the only do-able thing. I think.
Thanks, Larissa !
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I don’t think I’d like to live anywhere where’s there’s were-things!
What a fun post.
Could I live with harold Waterman from An Ungodly Child? Definitely not. He’s too selfish and egocentric for me. Jasfoup I could manage, since his work takes him away a lot.
And Jasfoup has a sense of humour – I love Harold as a character, but I’d burn him at the stake in a week, cardigan and all.
There’s only one person in the world who I can tolerate/can tolerate me to live with, and I’m already living with her. I’m a pain to live with, I know it, and were it not for my long-suffering bff, I’d be living alone for the rest of my life.
So I wouldn’t choose to live with any characters in any books. I’m a crabby hermit in real life lol, they probably wouldn’t even like me as a neighbor.
It’s amazing how many authors are hermitty. I suppose one has to be, to want to shut oneself away for hours at a time!
I’ve often thought I could handle living with Philemon Raft, but he’s as much a misanthrope as I am, so probably not. Freddie would be lovely – but then, he’s written to be that way and any road, it’s best not to get too attached to him.
I always tend to go for the anti-hero types, or the Second Banana, or the best friend, or the locked-in-a-lightning-struck-tower-making-monsters-out-of-other-blokes type of guy…
Or Bela Lugosi. That cape is hawt.
Oh yes, I can see sharing a set of rooms with Raft, although his maudlin behaviour would piss me off. Freddie would be handy to have around – because he makes tea all the time, and that’s something I LIKE.
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And you are a weird person, but we knew that.
*huggles*
I KNOW! Raft would drive me mental. He’s so brooding. Freddie makes excellent tea, and he’s insightful and funny. He’d be very easy to live with.
You know, I love this idea of yours…I may have to adopt it for something similar over at The Macaronis…
*huggles back*
Feel free – I think everyone should do it ! I didn’t want to do other writers’ characters because I think they’d get their feelings hurt! But it was fun to look at my own and realise what a fucked-up bunch of wankers they all are.
I think it’ll be my next post…because there are so MANY fucked-up wankers in my books…not sure what that says about me, since I’m married to a nice, normal fella.